Today was D Day. The first day back at work after almost 3 months off. It was probably one of the hardest days of my life. This morning I literally felt like my heart was breaking. Life is just not fair. And I hate it. I'd sit at my desk and even just looking at her picture brought me to tears. Everyone at work was very understanding, but there are only so many times you can answer, "How's the baby? Is she good? I bet today is really rough," with out breaking down. All I wanted was to be at home with her, watching her watch the ceiling fan go round and round. Granted, we are very lucky that my husband is able to stay with her during the day, while I'm at work, and her Nana watches her after he leaves for work. But it's still a major bummer. Everyone tells me it will get easier, but I just don't know how ever leaving my baby for the whole day could get any easier. She's the most precious thing to me in the whole world. As soon as I walked through the door, I just burst into tears. I've held her all night long, and I just dread going to bed, because I know I'll have to start all over tomorrow with this whole heart-breaking process. I know we are both working to provide for our family, and to be able to give her all the pretty things, but is it really worth it? Maybe I'm not meant to be a "career girl" after all. I guess I'll just have to wake up and take it one day at a time...but I really don't want to. To all the stay at home Mommies, you are so blessed! You have a hard job, raising and taking care of your family at home, but be thankful that you are able to do so! To all the working Mommies-You also have a hard job. Trying to balance work with life is tedious. I guess I'll just have to wake up and take it one day at a time...but I really don't want to. Because right now, all I want to do is rock my baby to sleep.
Which is exactly what I'm going to do.
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